


my touch, my comfort, and my lullaby

by wrldwideh0pe



Category: ATEEZ (Band), Kim Hongjoong - Fandom, Park Seonghwa - Fandom
Genre: M/M, hongjoong is a prince, joong is sad/alone, seonghwa is a mechanic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2020-01-25 14:29:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18576385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wrldwideh0pe/pseuds/wrldwideh0pe
Summary: after losing his mother and himself in the process, prince hongjoong begins writing in a journal he bought on one of his weekly outings to the city. here chronicles how hongjoong found himself again in a simple mechanic named seonghwa.--"i learned that his favorite color is blue today. and now he reminds me of the sky."





	1. Chapter 1

hi this is a preface!

this is my first time writing anything like this and im so proud of myself for actually writing something i love.

furthermore, this story is dedicated to two people:

1\. al, because you gave me the inspiration to write this in less than 12 hours. i love you so much <33  
and  
2\. stephanie, you have encouraged me for a long time to write something and i know i've been difficult in the past about it but so much of this is because you kept pushing me. thank you so much for being that friend to me, i love you so so so much <3

okie i hope you all enjoy this now!!


	2. my touch, my comfort, and my lullaby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which prince hongjoong buys a notebook and chronicles how he finds home in a simple mechanic named seonghwa.
> 
> \--
> 
> "i learned that his favorite color is blue today. and now he reminds me of the sky."

march 1 - 7.43pm

\-- today i went on one of my weekly walks and came upon a woman selling these notebooks with a beautiful design on them. i asked her how much they were and she responded by telling me that she would take whatever i could give her. these people in the city are so kind and selfless. or maybe they’re just doing the best they can to get by… in any case, i gave her all i had, which was 50 gold coins that i had leftover from the luxury city market that lie to the north. i remember she looked up and met my eyes and i could see the surprise in her eyes as she realized who i was. she told me i could have the notebook for free and i declined. she told me that she made these with her father who had learned the trade of leather embroidery from his father before him and so on. the notebook im writing in now is the one i bought from her… i think next week i’ll invite her to work for the castle. i know she’d find a place for herself there, and i think i could find good accomodations for her there too. down to dinner i go… i’ll talk to father now and make arrangements. until next time.

march 4 - 3.02pm

\-- it’s been 3 days little notebook. how has life faired for you in my drawer? i assume it’s been alright. i managed to convince father to let me invite the woman from the market to work for us. he says he’ll find her a prime place in the luxury city market and house her at the castle. he’ll even fund her endeavors. i’m looking forward to seeing her in 3 more days. until then my little leather friend.

march 7 - 9.22pm

\-- im not too sure if today was a success or not my little leather friend. when i left for the day, instead of going to the luxury citymarket first, i went straight to the woman’s stall and there she was! she seemed surprised to see me, and i think in some ways, i was surprised to see her. i felt as if every time i did something like this for one of our citizens, i was becoming more and more like the king i’ll be once father retires. prince hongjoong sounds alright for now though… i must remind myself not to rush my future, you never know what lies ahead. back to the woman… i walked up to her and she asked my why i had returned. i smiled and told her that i had made arrangements with my father for her to work in the luxury city market. she seemed like she had expected this though… she told me that she was alright where she was and she declined. i dont understand. why would she not want what i had offered? i think she is happy where she is, but doesn’t she want to be happier? she has kind eyes, the woman. and she looked at me through those kind eyes and told me that “being happy in this rundown home is a more peaceful existence than being looked down upon by people who did not have to forfeit their pride to be a charity case and living in a rich castle.” somehow i think i understand, but i’m intrigued by the concept of being happier in this place rather than my own rich home. i sit in this luxurious place and i think that in some ways i feel at home, but i think maybe my definition of ‘home’ is merely a placeholder for a room of hollow walls in which i have responsibilities to those in those walls and those outside. maybe that is the difference between the woman and i. i think she must define home by warmth, and family, and not responsibility. that sounds peaceful. goodnight my little friend.

march 14 - 8.01am

\-- ive thought all week about what i wrote in my previous entry, and i think today i’ll skip the luxury market again. i think im seeing less and less value in it. today i go and explore the city. i’ll return in another entry later. until then my little friend.

march 14 - 10.34pm

\-- today i walked through the streets of our city once again. It’s interesting how the smells of the city will mix together to become a strange perfume of the human existence. of our cities existence. i smelled the sweet aroma of hotteok down the street and mixed with the smell of gasoline from the car shop down the street. that smell of hotteok convinced me to purchase some from the stall, and i sat in the grassy area near the shops and ate it. im reminded of a time, before mother passed, where we sat in a grassy meadow and ate hotteok and watched the sunset, just as i did today. i miss her gentle demeanor, she calmed me down, yet i sometimes feel as if she’s still with me on the days where i feel particularly off. my guardian angel. i pray that i dream of you tonight mother. goodnight my leather friend. 

march 17 - 6.42am

\-- i dreamt of her last night. she hugged me and told me i wouldn’t be alone anymore. i wonder what that means?

march 21 - 4.29pm

\-- today i returned to the hotteok place. but this time i didn’t sit and eat it in the grassy area… i think that brought back too many memories. no, today i decided to simply explore the small area of tiny shops and businesses around the marketplace. the smell of gasoline filled my lungs the farther away from the marketplace i got, and i decided to investigate the smell. when i arrived i found a small car shop with a few people working. i was about to continue walking when i caught the eye of one blonde man who was working in the engine of a car. his eyes held me for too long than comfortable and i felt like he could see right through me. he was so strikingly beautiful even with the oil staining his cheekbones and his dirty navy jumpsuit. i was flustered and i quickly continued walking. i couldnt stop thinking about him. i still cant. his eyes held more than just recognition of my identity, much more. maybe next week i’ll return and see him again. i wonder what his name is? maybe its junyoung? or minho? i’ve met many blonde minhos for some reason. maybe i’ll dream of his name, what do you think it is little leather friend? until next time.

 

march 25 - 3.15am

\-- this is the fourth night in a row that i’ve dreamt of that boys piercing gaze. i cant seem to get him out of my head. this next walk i’ll go see him… maybe this will clear my thoughts. let me try and get sleep. goodnight. 

march 28 - 7.56pm

\-- i returned to the car shop today and the boy was there. he didn’t see me this time, but i watched him work for a few minutes. it interested me how he didn’t care how dirty he got, how the oil would fall on his cheek and he would simply wipe it off with his hand and smear it. how the rust would fall from a car’s engine and onto his jumpsuit. the boys apathy towards his material things amaze me. maybe i can attempt to be more like that. today brought me some peace. i hope it stays like this. goodnight.

march 30 - 2.01am

\-- the peace did not last. wish he would get out of my head. goodnight.

april 4 - 5.44am

\-- ive decided i’m going to the shop to talk to him today. i’ll bring him some hotteok. which, by the way, the owner of the hotteok shop is getting used to me, he’s a sweet old man. but anyways. i’ll invite the boy to lunch and whatever it is about this boy that is filling my dreams will cease to exist. until next time my little leather friend.

april 4 - 8.13pm

\-- today i got to sit with him and eat hotteok in that meadow. and i learned his name. his name is seonghwa, and he’s even prettier up close. he told me he runs the car shop with his six friends. i think i’d like to meet them one day. i think ive got a new memory to associate a grassy meadow with now.

april 5 - 5.34am

\-- i dreamt of him again. but i dont think im complaining anymore. tonight, in my dream, he told me that my mother loved me. i’m not sure why it meant so much to hear his dream self say it to me. i think his demeanor reminds me a lot of my mothers. maybe thats why he’s in my dreams so much. i want to see him again soon. my mechanic boy. goodnight little leather friend. 

 

april 8 - 2.00pm

\-- father’s car has to get a tire replaced!! i offered to take it into the car shop today. he says to take it to the shop near the luxury market, but i think i’ll take it to seonghwa’s shop. i can’t wait to see him again

april 8 - 11.23pm

\-- he seemed so happy to see me. he held the bottom of my back when he walked me into the shop. i enjoy his touches. he looks at me with so much more than recognition, i think theres a softness in his eyes when he looks at me. maybe im imagining it. i hope im not. i don’t want to wait until my next outing to see him. oh! i also got to meet his friends today!! they said that seonghwa talks about me a lot… they called him “hwa.” maybe i’ll start calling him that. it’s nice not being alone. goodnight little friend.

april 12 - 3.09am

\-- cant sleep. im thinking of him. i get to see him today.

april 12 - 5.21pm

\-- today i hurried to the hotteok stand so i could go see seonghwa… hwa… his name feels like silk and clouds on my tongue. thats what he looked like today too. when i got to the shop he wasnt in his jumpsuit and he was all clean (for once)! he was dressed in this light blue sweater and light beige pants… i think i might have blacked out when i saw him, he reminded me of the sky. he told me that he was going to take me on a date… a date! he said a date…! i think i blacked out again after he said that. his smile was so pretty when i responded positively. his smile is so… warm, and comforting. he took me to a little nook that overlooked the sea so we could eat our hotteok. we sat there until sunset and as the sky turned pink over the water, i laid my head on his shoulder… im not sure where i got that confidence from, but i think he makes me feel at home. i have to wait until next week to see him again… maybe i’ll call the shop to talk to him tomorrow. goodnight my little journal friend.

april 13 - 2.30pm

\-- i just talked to hwa on the phone. his voice is so warm and soft. it sounds like what brownies taste like. he told me that my hair felt soft yesterday, i told him his sweater was soft. i feel like his skin would be soft too. i think i want to find out? next week i’ll hold his hand. 

april 20 - 10.00pm

\-- my little leather friend… today was a day to remember. when i saw hwa today, he ran into the office to clean himself up before he saw me. i thought to myself, “he cares…!” he came out with a shiny clean face and i smiled at him. he smiled back and he looked into my eyes and i felt like i was melting. we went to that nook again to go watch the sunset and i held his hand. it was soft. i knew it was going to be soft. i also didnt know hearts could beat as fast as mine did today when he interlaced his fingers with mine… i remember looking in his eyes and he was so close. closer than usual… and i didn’t pull away. looking into his eyes and him looking into mine… i felt like he saw my soul and i saw his. i think he rubbed my hand with his thumb at the same time, i cant remember specifically. i think i might know what home means. i feel like im home when im lost in his eyes. but can you truly be lost in your home? maybe im never lost in his eyes, but swimming in them. thats better. i hope i swim in his eyes tonight when i dream. goodnight little leather friend.

april 21 - 3.43pm

\-- i’m writing this quickly because there’s something big happening!! i called hwa this morning and asked if he wanted to come to the castle for dinner and he said yes!! i told him i’d have the cooks make something nice for us but he told me that it was fine, and that he loved to cook so he’ll make something. i’m so excited. i cant wait to see his face again.

april 22 - 12.01am

\-- hwa just left and i miss his touch already. when he got here i brought him to the kitchen and i’ve never seen someone’s eyes get so big when he saw how nice our kitchen was. he looked like a little kid in a candy shop as he inspected all our instruments and stuff. i want to make him smile like he did today, all the time. anyways, he made us bulgogi and japchae. it wasnt as good as the cooks make it, but i’d eat whatever he made if he asked me to because hes him and his food is him. i got to show him my room too, i told him about you my little leather friend!! dont worry my friend, i didn’t tell him our secrets. he told me how endearing it was that i kept a journal. i told seonghwa that i talk about him in my journal. his eyes met mine when i said that and his eyes held more than just fondness in them. i think. he said he wants to do this again, and he said that everytime we part, that he misses me more. i’ll see him again soon, if i have to move the whole castle closer to his car shop, so be it. tonight, i fall asleep happy. goodnight, little notebook.

april 27 - 4.12pm

\-- i walked past the woman who i bought the notebook from today. she looked so happy to see me. i stopped to talk to her and i told her how thankful i was for her words. i told her how her words made me reevaluate where i found home and happiness in. i didnt realize it right away but tears dropped from my eyes at some point. meeting hwa, and meeting the notebook woman has changed my life these past months. i think the notebook woman, who i found out was named hayoon, reminds me of my mother. maybe she is my mother in someone else’s body, always watching out for me. anyways, i only was able to see seonghwa for a little bit while we ate our hotteok at a picnic table, since he had a lot of work to do. have i ever mentioned how he looks so handsome with oil stained cheekbones? i used to wonder how he could just not care about what he looked like, but now, what is seonghwa without oil on his cheek? he ran his fingers through my hair today and he told me it was just as soft as it was the first time we watched the sunset together. and i blushed (like a fifteen year old).he smiled so big and brushed his thumb across my cheek before taking my hand in his. being with him is like pure bliss. until next time my leather friend.

april 29 - 2.37am

\-- i learned that his favorite color is blue today. now he reminds me of the sky.

april 30 - 7.32am

\-- today is the last day of the month. and i get to see hwa today. i think i might more than like him. how else can i describe the feeling i have? hes like the sky on a nice day. he’s silk bedsheets, he’s the clouds in the sky, he’s the stars i see every night when i think of him. i’ll talk to you later my little notebook.

may 1 - 1.02am

\-- i’ve been with hwa all day. so much happened. i cant believe today happened. when he arrived here at the castle, i invited him to my room and we sat and talked for awhile. i lay in his arms for so long and he told me all about himself, and how he met his friends. i couldve listened to him talk for forever. him and his silk voice. sometimes the conversation stopped and we just lay there in silence. at one point where the talking lulled, he took a deep breath and he kissed my head and i buried my face into his sweater. his response was to keep kissing my head, until i was just giggling into his chest, and he was laughing into my hair, and he was holding me and i was holding him. and i looked up into his eyes and i felt my heart do the tiniest of flips as i caught his gaze. he told me, with affection and softness in his eyes. he told me “i love you joong. do you know that?” i remember looking down in shock and thought. a second passed until i met his gaze again and told him “hwa, i think i’ve loved you since i met you.” he pulled me closer to him and i know that eye contact is supposed to be overwhelming but nothing felt more right. i remember so vividly, our lips were so close together i could feel his breath on my top lip and i brought my hand up to his cheek because i wanted to feel how soft his cheek was. that touch to his cheek was the last one before one of us (i cant remember which one of us initiated it because it was such a blur) pulled the other in and his lips touched mine with soft intensity. i never knew mouths could move like his did, or that lips could be as soft as his. my hands found his hair and his cheeks and his hands were all over my body and so were mine and i’d done… this… before. but this was different. i now know what his every inch looks like, feels like. i memorized everything his skin showed me. how he felt, how his eyes never once left my gaze. i know what making love means now. he hasn’t left my bed yet. i think tomorrow i’ll ask him to never leave my bed again. i have found home in my seonghwa. in my beautiful mars.

 

\---

 

1 year later, may 1 - 11.12am

\-- hello my old friend. today, im talking to some people through you if that’s alright? thank you.

mother, today is a big day. today im marrying seonghwa. you remember, he’s the boy who told me in my dreams that you loved me. mom, he’s every cloud in the sky you ever taught me to find in the sky. he’s the pink and purple and orange in the sunsets we used to watch together. he’s the constellations you showed me every night when everyone else was asleep. i fell in love with the sky, mom. i know you’re proud of me, i know you’re happy for me up there, in the sky. i bet you you’ll know him when you see him, he’s the sky that you live in mama. i love you, and i miss you forever. i hope you’ll watch us tonight from the sky. goodnight. 

and you… my blue sky, park seonghwa, today is a big day for us. a year ago was the most special day of my life, and i hope today changes that for the better. everytime i look into your eyes im reminded of the first time i met your eyes on march 21. i couldnt get you out of my head: the beautiful blonde man in the navy blue mechanic jumpsuit. thinking back, i never could get you out of my head, and i’ll never stop thanking my dreams for keeping you there. lets make the rest of our lives a good one, yeah? i love you. and good morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you actually read this, thank you so much! words cannot express how much it means to me that you took the time out of your day to read and (maybe) appreciate it.
> 
> this feels to me like a love letter to seonghwa, and also a love letter to the outfit that inspired this, hongjoong's airport fit from today. my liddol mechanic boy!! i wish the best to you all, and thank u again!!
> 
> stay crispy,  
> \- sav <3


End file.
